I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
