i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
