EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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