I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
