Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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