if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
