even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
