TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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