Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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