My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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