I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
