i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
