So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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