my phone needs a breathalizer
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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