i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
