New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
it glows. i had to have it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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