my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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