I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
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Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
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Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
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