So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
