are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
