Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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