There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
