its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
