he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
