we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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