I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
