Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
