Pants 0. Shit 1.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
