Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
