They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
