If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
