Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
