my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
