I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
