not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
