you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
