I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
