No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
