I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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