so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
