Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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