honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
