I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I would ride that face into the sunset
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
