I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
