That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
