Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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