I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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