so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
