I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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