I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
