If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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