I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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