and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize