When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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