just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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