my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
