so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
