The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
