I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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