i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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