If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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