I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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