I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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