oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Congratulations! We have a period
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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