We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
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