Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
