Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
