Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
