he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
