Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
