hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
