Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
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We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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