my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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