This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
