if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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