That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
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I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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