I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
